Her presence
by thousand-miles
Summary: Seriously, she didn’t understand him anymore. These last couple of months she’d seen him change into a man she didn’t recognize anymore. He was slipping away from her and she did not understand why.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Her presence

**Author:** thousandmiles

**Rating:** T

**Spoilers:** The one in S4 with Nelda and Want.

**Summary:** Seriously, she didn't understand him anymore. These last couple of months she'd seen him change into a man she didn't recognize anymore. He was slipping away from her and she did not understand why.

**A/N:** This is a Bobby angst fic, with a little Alex angst and some sweet moments. At least that's what I'm going for. Please bare in mind, my native language isn't English, but I'm doing the best I can. I'd love to hear your opinion, but don't flame me. I've written a couple of chapters already, but I can't make any promises about updates.

**Part one**

Seriously, she didn't understand him anymore. These last couple of months she'd seen him change into a man she didn't recognize anymore. He was slipping away from her and she did not understand why. He'd always been a bit of a mystery, but she'd had learned to unravel it after their years of partnership. Now however, it seemed it had all been for nothing. She was afraid she would never be able to unravel the mystery that was Robert Goren.

With their last case in mind she was still mad at him. It wasn't in her ways to ever doubt his judgement. She would stand by his side even if she didn't always agree, that was what partners did. That's why she hadn't said anything when Bobby had gone off against Carver about the death penalty. That's why she hadn't uttered a word when he'd gotten that heartfelt confession. Sure she'd wanted to yell at him and wonder what he was thinking.

The Tagman case had really done a number on both of them. For the first time since their partnership she was beginning to doubt her trust in her partner. He simply didn't seem the man he used to be. He was a brilliant detective with strange quirks like sniffing dead bodies. But above all she knew he was a man she could trust. He was a man who respected her and who's company she liked. Lately however, that man had disappeared and there was only a shadow of him left.

It was now two days after the Tagman case and their partnership felt strained. She'd even caught Deakins watching them, silently asking her if anything was wrong. Bobby seemed as obliviously as always and was stuck in his own world. She didn't know what was going on anymore. But enough was enough. Decisions had to be made. This couldn't go on any longer. Even ending their partnership had crossed her mind. Now, standing in the interrogation room, in the mids of yet another argument she couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop it, Bobby!" She yelled.

To say he was shocked would be an understatement. Alex had never before yelled at him. All he could do was stand there with his mouth open.

"Look at us! Is this all we're capable of doing lately? These last couple of cases it seems as if disagreeing is all that we seem to do. What's going on here?" With her hand she waved between the two of them. Sighing she sat down on the chair. Judging from the shocked look in Bobby's eyes he didn't know what she's talking about. "Things have been strained between us. I know you've felt it too even though you've tried to ignore it. I feel strained because I don't know what you're going to do next. You've always had my trust and I've always stood by your side. Even when I disagreed. I've never wanted Deakins to see that we weren't on the same page. But… I just…I'm getting tired of this." Out of the corner of her eye she saw him taking place on the chair to her right. Carefully she placed her much smaller hand over his large hand. "Bobby, you're pulling away from me." And he did just that, pulling his hand out from under her. She sighed. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going on with you. You've become a different man, somebody I don't recognize anymore. I wish you would tell me what's going on. Wish you'd let me in. You keep shutting me out, Bobby. I'm not going to pressure you. Clearly I'm not wanted and I'll just have to accept that. But what I can't accept is the way our partnership is going. I'm trying to hang on, Bobby. But this is hard on me too. I've tried reaching out, tried standing by your side, but it's as if nothing is getting through to you. I just don't know what to do anymore." She ran a hand through her hair. "I think we need some time apart. You need to deal with whatever it is that's going on with you. I need time away from you. When you're back on your feet again, I'll be here for you. But for now, we need space." Standing up Alex walked passed him, briefly laying her hand on his shoulder.

The decision hadn't been an easy one for her. In the end it had been one she'd had to make for both their sakes. If not their partnership would have been ruined for good. She certainly didn't want to loose Bobby. She cared too much to let that happen. His refusal to let her in hurt. Bobby had always been a closed off person, but sometimes he would let her see a glimpse. The hardest blow was when she discovered he'd told Nelda more than he'd ever told her. Was it that much easier for him to talk to somebody he hardly knew than to his friend? After that things had gone down hill. He'd started to become a man she didn't know anymore. Now she only had her faith to make her believe they could get through this. Walking through the bullpen she picked up her stuff and nodded to Deakins, signalling him that she'd told Bobby.

Alone in the interrogation room, Bobby listened to the silence. He hadn't been on his best behaviour lately, but surely he hadn't been that bad? Shaking his head he knew that wasn't true. He'd been a jerk to everyone around him, especially Alex. But now she was gone. He'd driven her away and he had only himself to blame. The most precious person in his live had walked out on him because of his own inability to work through his feelings. Ever since Nelda had gotten to him he'd felt himself drifting, drifting away from the one person who was his safe ground, his harbour. He'd been scared, insecure and vulnerable. There was so much going through his head, he simply wasn't able to give it all a place. The Tagman case had been the final drop. It had given him a glimpse into a frightening future. A man disgusted and horrified with himself, that's what he'd said and that was how he felt at this very moment. Finally his anger of his own behaviour caught up with him and he stood up, grabbed the table with both hands and pushed it over. He cursed as he grabbed chair and beat it into the wall. "Damn it, Alex!" He really wasn't mad at her, but he did need someone to direct his anger at. She seemed to be the logical choice, the person who had walked out of him. The person he needed most in life, yet could not have. He slumped against the wall and slid down, his knees drawn up, elbows on them and head in his hands.

Jimmy Deakins could hear Bobby's curse in his office. Everybody could hear his voice and the whole bullpen had quietened down. All eyes were on him and with a wave of his hand he ordered them to go back to work. When Alex had come to him yesterday with her problem he hadn't been surprised. He'd seen how strained the partnership between his best detectives had become. He hadn't stepped in, knowing it wasn't his time or place. They always dealt with it themselves. He thought they would have worked it out and when Alex said she simply couldn't do it anymore, he knew how serious the problem was. Alex wasn't one to give up easily. He'd seen the devastation in her eyes when she'd told him she needed a break from Bobby.

At one time he'd thought the partnership between Bobby and Alex would grow into a relationship. If so he wouldn't object and simply look the other way. He knew it would never interfere with their job. If someone would have told him the day would come that they couldn't work together anymore he would have laughed. Sadly, there wasn't anything to laugh today. He just hoped they would be able to find their way back to each other. Slowly Jimmy made his way to the interrogation room. What he found there was a lost man. A Bobby Goren he'd never seen before. Closing the door behind him he looked at the state of the room. The table turned over, a chair broken in two and a broken man on the floor. "Go home, Bobby. Get through this."

His words seemed to get through to Bobby because slowly the tall detective stood up. "Wh… Where is she?" Bobby's voice was soft and insecure.

Alex had made him promise he wouldn't tell Bobby where she was going to go. She needed time away from him and knew Bobby would be there as soon as he could. They needed time away from each other. "I can't tell you. Get some rest, go somewhere and when you've cleared your mind and know what's going on, only then you can go to her. You've hurt her, Bobby. She needs the time away from you. She can't always be the strong one."

Bobby quietly left the room, his head downward, looking at the ground. He grabbed his coat and notebook and left the bullpen. Standing outside he didn't know where to go. He had no one to go to. Hailing a cab he got in and gave the driver his address. At home he placed his notebook on his table and flung his coat on a chair before he fell down on his couch. With an arm flung over his eyes, he simply lied there, missing Alex to such an extent he didn't know was possible.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. I truly appreciated and you were all very enthusiastic. Thank you! This chapter is well... not that much is happening. Promise next chapter will be better, but this chapter had to be there. Also a question, I hope someone can answer it for me, it's a grammar question. Is it Alex's parents or Alex' parents without the 's'. I thought because Alex ends with an x the 's' there wasn't a 's', but I'm not sure. I know that when a word ends with an 's' there's just a ' and no s, but with an x I don't know. Hope someone can answer it. **

**Part two**

Several hours later Bobby heard a knock on his door. Quickly he got up, hoping it would be Alex. Opening his door he found Lewis on the other end. Disappointed Bobby left the door open and walked back to his couch. Lewis could let himself in. A moment later Lewis joined him in the living room.

"I got a call from Alex." Lewis said, immediately getting Bobby's attention.

"She called you?"

"Yeah. She's worried about you and frankly, looking at you, so am I. What's going on?" Lewis walked to the kitchen, grabbed two beers and returned to the living room. Handing Bobby's his beer, Lewis sat down on a chair. He'd never seen Bobby in this state before. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days and there was a weariness in his eyes that shouldn't be there. That combined with Alex's call made him realize this was serious. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"Alex called you to check up on me?"

"Yeah."

Bobby swallowed some of his beer. Even now, when he'd made Alex leave him she was still concerned for his welfare. How could he have let her walk out of his life? "Do… do you know where she is?"

"No, I don't. Look, obviously something is going on. Talk to me." But Lewis already knew it was a lost cause. Bobby's mind was focused on Alex and Alex alone. He could not change that. So he simply drank his beer, waiting for more questions about Alex. Sometimes Bobby could be quite predictable.

"I chased her away, Lewis. I got so self involved that little by little I pushed her away until she saw only one solution. What have I done?" Bobby questioned, not really expecting an answer.

"More importantly, what made you do it? What made you chase her away?" Lewis doubted his questions were getting through to Bobby.

"How am I going to fix this? How am I going to get her back. I… I don't want to lose her."

Deciding to take another course of action, Lewis went with total honesty. "Maybe you're already too late. Maybe you've already lost her." That got him. Bobby's eyes were immediately on Lewis.

"Do…do you think..? No, that simply isn't an option."

"Then do something, Bobby. Talk to me or someone else. Just do something and try to fix this. Or you're going to lose the one person you've wanted most in life. Think about that." Standing up, Lewis emptied his drink, disposing of it in the kitchen. "Call me if you wanna talk." He called from the door before he closed it behind him.

Fix this, Lewis' words kept going through his head. How was he going to fix this? He knew he was a mess. To be honest he didn't know if he could deal with this alone. He didn't know if he was strong enough. He wanted Alex back, to draw strength from her quiet confidence in him. To see her reassuring brown eyes on his, to feel her presence, to know that with her it would be all right. With her he could lose himself, for she would bring him back. Now, maybe he would stay lost forever, because she wasn't there anymore to bring him back.

After leaving One Police Plaza, Alex had gone back to her apartment. She'd packed a bag and left for her parents place. She needed this break as much as Bobby did. She needed to get away. Going to her parents she could at least try to relax. If she was lucky she would also be able to spend some much needed quality time with her nephew. During her ride to her parents she called Lewis, asking him to check up on Bobby. She couldn't leave him behind without someone to check on him. She'd made Deakins promise that he wouldn't tell Bobby were she was. But Bobby was no fool and it wouldn't take him long to figure out she would be with her parents. Yet it would give her at least a day for herself, hopefully more.

Arriving at her parents she simply told them she needed some time away from work. They accepted her reason without questions and let her go upstairs to her old room. They both knew Alex would come to them whenever she was ready. After trying to get a couple of hours of sleep, Alex went downstairs. She poured herself a cup of coffee and went to sit outside on the porch. It was her father who joined her there with his own cup of coffee.

"I couldn't work with him anymore." She said to her father. There was no need for her to say this was about Bobby. They all knew her partner. "I just don't understand him anymore. I don't know what's going on inside his head. These last couple of months he seemed to become a total stranger to me. I just couldn't reach out to him anymore. We needed time away from each other, otherwise we would have ruined our partnership."

"Tell me about it."

And Alex did exactly that. She talked about Nelda, the way Bobby slowly started to drift away from her and of course the Tagman case. She talked about her own feelings and fears concerning Bobby. She talked about everything and her father simply listened. Sometimes he offered his opinion, but mostly he listened and that was exactly what she needed.

The rest of the evening went by relatively quietly. Alex was pleasantly surprised when she heard her nephew would be spending the next two days at his grandparents place. It was just the distraction she needed. Knowing she needed to get some much needed rest she went to bed early. Sleep didn't come to her easily, but after a few hours of tossing and turning she finally fell asleep.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: First of all thanks for the reviews. And thank you for answering my question about the 's. I really didn't know that and I appreciate the help. Finally Bobby and Alex are back together in this chapter. I can't help myself, even with the angst and all that, I still like a nice hug once in a while. I like it when Bobby's vulnerable and reaches out... or when Alex reaches out. Enjoy and please R&R...I'd appreciate it!**

**Part three**

After yet another night with hardly any sleep, but with beer, Bobby felt even worse than the day before. He knew only one thing, he had to find Alex. She wouldn't be that hard to find. Before he could think about her whereabouts he needed a shower and drink lots of coffee. Then he called Lewis, thanked him for coming and told him he was going to find Alex. Next he tried her cell phone. Like he expected it was turned off. He knew she would have left her apartment. He didn't really know her brothers and sisters. Her parents, that would be her most logical choice. She would turn to the place where she could relax. He knew Alex had a good relationship with her parents. He couldn't remember where they lived. He'd only been there once to pick Alex up. As the smart detective that he was it didn't take him long to find the address of her parents. Grabbing his coat, a bag with spare clothes and car keys he was on his way to Alex.

For Alex it had been the first good night's rest she'd had in a couple of days. She'd slept in and had taken it easy. She'd gone grocery shopping with her mother and helped her father out with the old car he was working on. Bobby had hardly entered her mind. To get away from work felt good.

Nervous he stood at the front door of Alex's parents house. Would she see him or just sent him away? Would she be so fed up with him that she would shut the door in his face? If her parents knew the truth he might not even be allowed inside. Deciding it was better to stop thinking about the possible outcomes, and just face the music, he knocked. Impatiently he waited and a moment later the door opened.

"Detective Goren." Alex' father, John Eames, opened the door.

"Mr. Eames… I…I'm looking for Alex. Is she in?"

"No."

Slightly thrown off by Mr. Eames' curt answer, Bobby tried to form words. "Do… do you know where I can find her?"

"Yes."

This seemed even more difficult than interrogating a suspect. Even suspects gave more away than that. "Can you tell me where she is?'

"No."

"Mr. Eames, I just want to talk to her. I need to talk to her."

"Come on in." John stepped aside to let Bobby enter. He would have let Bobby in eventually. He just felt he needed to test the man, especially after Alex had told him what had happened. The man had hurt his little girl, nobody did that without having him to answer too. He saw Goren hesitantly step inside and take in his surroundings. "Alex is walking with her nephew." He explained as he signalled Goren to follow him into the living room. "I don't know when they'll be back."

"That's okay. Mr. Eames… thank you."

"You're welcome, but don't make me regret my decision to let you in."

"I won't."

"I was working on an old car in the garage. You're welcome to wait here or you can join me in the garage."

"I think I'll join you."

"Do you know anything about cars?" John asked as they stood in the garage, looking at the car he was fixing up.

"Not as much as Alex."

"Yeah, Alex and I spend a lot of time here. Just the two of us whenever I was fixing up a car. When she was little she would sit down on the floor and ask me all kinds of questions about cars and the components. That's when I knew she would make a great detective some day."

Bobby smiled that sounded like Alex. Alex's father continued telling stories about Alex' childhood. They both worked on the car, though John did most of the work.

Alex returned home after her walk with her nephew Michael. Lifting him up from the stroller she took him with her in search of her father. With Michael on her hip she walked to the garage. Her father was probably still working on the car and this was as good as time as any to teach her nephew all about cars.

"Hey, dad." Alex greeted her father as she stepped into the garage. "How's the car?"

"We're getting there. How was your walk? Did my grandson behave?" John asked as he wiped his hands on a cloth. He carefully lifted Michael from Alex's arms.

"What did you do, dad? How did you get this far with the car?" She knew that when her father was immersed in a project he would work very hard, but this was a bit too much. Alex walked around the car to see what had been done.

Bobby who just walked back into the garage saw John with his grandson and Alex walking around the car. He took a step closer to the car, debating whether he should greet her or wait 'till she saw him.

"You've had someone helping you out." Alex concluded as she turned around to her father. That's when she saw Bobby standing next to her father. He was wearing jeans and a button up shirt. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons of his dark blue shirt were open, revealing a little skin.

While Alex observed him, Bobby observed her. In her casual clothes she seemed so different. She was also wearing jeans, black jeans, with a light grey sweater on in. He took a step closer to her, needing to feel her presence.

She shouldn't have been surprised that he was here. After all she'd expected he would find her. Still she felt thrown off. In a strange way though she immediately felt comforted to have him by her side again.

"I'll leave you two alone." John gave his daughter a look and with an affirmative nod from her, he went back into the house with Michael.

Both Alex and Bobby were hesitant about what to do next. It was Alex who tried to lighten the mood. "Could you keep up with him?" She asked, pointing to the car.

"Hardly, he was very patient with me. He… he's a good man. He really loves you."

Smiling, Alex nodded. "I know, he's the best."

"He told me how you two would work on cars together. How you, when you were little, just sat with him while he worked on a car, asking all kinds of questions." Bobby hadn't moved since he'd seen Alex. He didn't know if she would want him to close the distance between. Seeing as she'd taken a few steps back, he guessed not. "How's Michael?" He asked, pointing to the door where Alex' father had gone through.

"Good. I missed him." There was still a trace of melancholy in her voice when she spoke of her nephew. It had gotten easier over time, but sometimes she still felt the pain of giving him away.

Bobby didn't miss the hurt that crossed her face, even though she tried hard to push it aside. Though they hadn't really talked about it, he knew it had cost her a lot to give away the child she'd carried in her womb for nine months. He was trying to think of something to say to get her mind off Michael when Alex's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Let's cut the small talk. We're both not good at it." Crossing the floor to her father's work bench, Alex turned to Bobby and leaned against it. "Why are you here?" Looking at him she tried to catch his eyes, but they were downcast. That with the slumped shoulders made him appear as a defeated man. "You know I needed more time. You know I wanted to be alone." She didn't say it, but from his flinch she knew he'd heard the words 'she didn't want to be around him'. "We need some time apart." Expecting his objection she spoke again before he could. "And almost 24 hours isn't what I meant."

He listened to her carefully. In her voice he didn't hear any annoyance with him. They knew each other well so she'd probably already prepared for his arrival. Still even now, he didn't know what to say. He couldn't find the right words. So much was inside his head, he needed her to bring order to it, like she always did.

His silence didn't surprise her, but it didn't make things easier. She couldn't do all the talking. He was going through something and she couldn't figure it out on her own. If she could, things wouldn't have gone this far. "I can't do this alone, Bobby. If you're not going to talk then you'd better turn around and go back to your apartment. This isn't just about you. I need to reconsider some decisions too."

And again he flinched for he heard the true meaning. 'Reconsider her decision to be his partner'. "Bobby." Her voice was suddenly very close by. For the first time he looked at her.

She gasped, seeing the pain and insecurity in his eyes. "What's going on with you?" She whispered, gently placing her hand on his chest. Out of nowhere his arms were suddenly around her, pulling her against his chest. He clung to her like his life depended on it, yet there were no tears, no sobs. She did the only thing she could do, she hugged him back, simply holding him to her.

She didn't know how long they had been standing there when her mother suddenly walked in on them. "I'm sorry, Alex." Her mother, Julia Eames, apologized as she watched Alex and Bobby separate from each other.

"It's okay." She saw Bobby taking a few steps back. Taking a deep breath she focused on her mother.

"Would you like us to cancel our appointment with the Novaks?" Earlier that morning Alex's parents had made plans to visit their friends, the Novaks. Alex had easily agreed, glad to spend time alone with her nephew and have the place to herself.

"No, of course not." She knew how much her parents were looking forward to it. "Go, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Julia looked from Bobby back to Alex.

"Yeah."

"Okay. We'll be leaving shortly then. You gonna come inside soon?"

"We'll be right there."

"Do you want me to put Michael to bed?"

"No, I'll do it."

"Okay." Julia gave her daughter a small smile before she left them alone again.

After making sure they were alone again Alex closed the distance between her and Bobby again. She didn't stop near him, but walked passed him to the door. "Let's get inside, okay? We can talk after my parents are gone and Michael's asleep."

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews. Truly appreciate them. So this the chapter where they're going to talk about Nelda and Bobby's mother. I tried to stay in character and hopefully I did. Enjoy and please R&R...**

**Part four**

They said their goodbyes to Alex's parents. While Bobby was in the kitchen making them coffee, Alex was upstairs getting her nephew ready for bed. Since he had to wait for the coffee, Bobby decided to go upstairs and find Alex. He stood leaning against the door way as he watched Alex put Michael to bed. She was talking to her nephew in a soft voice. Laying him in the crib she softly sang him a lullaby. Bobby thought he'd never seen Alex more beautiful or relaxed. To him she'd always been beautiful, but to see her with her nephew, to hear the love in her voice and see how happy she was at the very moment made her even more beautiful than she ever was. Without fully realizing he confessed to her. "I can't lose you." He whispered.

She showed no surprise to his presence nor his sudden confession. She kept her back to him, knowing he needed a moment to collect himself after his moment of vulnerability. Yet she also knew she needed to say something to acknowledge that she'd heard him. "You won't, Bobby." She whispered just as soft, but knew he heard every word. Bending down she gave her nephew a soft kiss on his forehead. Turning around she saw Bobby walking away to go downstairs again. She left the room with the baby phone in her hand, leaving the door half open. Taking a moment to herself she leaned against the wall. Bobby's words had probably escaped him before he'd truly realized what he'd said. His soul had spoken to her, had called out to him and she had answered.

Bobby had pored their coffee into two mugs. He carried them outside on the porch. He set Alex's cup down on the small coffee table, while he sat down on the top step of the stairs that lead down to the garden.

Alex who'd joined him outside decided to leave some distance between them. She sat down on the wooden bench next to the coffee table. From Bobby's hunched form she saw how tense he was.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Alex." Bobby apologized. "I never wanted to hurt you." Pausing he took a drink of his coffee. "I never wanted you to get caught up in this. You… you had every right to walk out on me like you did. I was a jerk. I was selfish, pushy, angry and I pushed you away."

"Tell me what I got caught up in?"

"Me struggling with my thoughts…, feelings."

It was silent as they both were lost in their own thoughts. Alex was jolted out of her thoughts by Bobby's voice.

"I...I never wanted you to see me like this."

Never show someone how vulnerable you are. It was a lesson he'd probably learned the hard way, Alex guessed. She needed to show him that it was all right to let her in. "You don't have to hide from me, Bobby. Don't think I'll run away if I don't like what I see. You might think I would after yesterday, but it seemed we were at a crossroad and a decision needed to be taken. It was something we both needed."

"I know." Bobby emptied his coffee mug, putting it down a step lower than the one he was sitting on. "I guess it started with Nelda. I admit I… was drawn to her in a strange way. Looking back I realize it was the way she cared for me, like a mother. She got to me, not like Nicole gets to me, but… deeper. With Nicole I would be angry and I hated her and I hated how she made me feel. Nelda, she struck a nerve, my mother." Needing a moment to regroup, Bobby looked at the garden. It was rather large, with many colourful flowers. It looked like Alex's parents spend a lot of time in their garden. "It's difficult for me to deal with my mother's illness. It's hard for me to share things about my mother."

"If it's so hard, why was it so easy for you to share it with a person you hardly knew?" She realized this might not be the ideal time to bring it up, but she'd been hurt when he'd talked so freely to Nelda about his mother, yet he hardly told her anything. Was she that difficult to talk to?

It seemed as if Bobby heard her unspoken question. "It's not…" How was he going to explain this? "With Nelda it was safe. She knew what I was talking about because she was a nurse. I felt like I could tell her because she had a professional look on it. It wouldn't be personal with her. With you… I'd feel exposed if I opened up to you about my mother. You'd see how it pains me that I can't help her. You'd see a part of me I sometimes want to hide, because it leaves me feeling exposed and hurt. I don't want you to see that."

"Why not, Bobby? Why not?"

"Because I don't want to scare you away." It was true. He was afraid of losing her, just like he'd lost his mother. Almost every time he came back from one of his visits to his mother, he felt drained. When he was with her in the institution he felt as if he was looking into his future. If that was truly his future, he didn't want Alex in the position he was in now.

"I'm not going anywhere." She wondered if he was telling her the whole truth. She felt as there was more to it. She decided to let him tell her in his own pace. If she was going to interfere, maybe he would shut her out again.

"I was seven when I realized something was wrong with her. When she had one of her spells I would be so afraid, yet I knew she needed me. She needed someone to take care of her. Ever since I found out I've taken care of her. I try so hard, but sometimes I feel like I'm failing her. She euuh… she was a good mother despite her illness. When I was young she read to me every night. I… I got my love for books from her. We would always read books together." Alex saw a small smile appeared on his face. He was reminiscing the good times.

"She would introduce me to new authors and all different kind of stories. I guess the stories were her way of escaping her world, a way to escape the voices. I think she knew what was wrong with her. I felt so helpless when she had one of her spells. Her heart aching screams and cries would haunt me in my nightmares. I wish she didn't have to go through them."

Standing up, Bobby walked down the stairs onto the grass. Alex quietly followed him. As Bobby paced up and down the grass, she sat down on the last step of the stairs.

"At a certain point the spells got worse and I knew I needed help. I still feel guilty putting her in a institution, but I knew I couldn't take care of her. She needed professional help, that was something I couldn't give her." Turning to her, he looked directly into her eyes, hiding nothing. "She's my mother, Alex and I feel so helpless. I'm failing her."

"No you're not Bobby, you're not. By acknowledging you couldn't do it alone, by getting her help you gave her better life."

"A better life? I…" He raised his voice.

"Don't go there, Bobby. You know what I mean and deep down you know I'm right." Standing up, Alex closed the distance between her and Bobby. Gently she took his hand in hers. " She knows you love her. She knows you're there."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because she's your mother and a mother knows. Come here…" She whispered before she took him into his arms.

He let her hold him, letting her take some of the pain away. He buried his face in her hair and held her close. Alex felt how tired he was. She knew he'd hardly slept. This conversation had drained the last of his energy. "You need to rest." She said, her voice muffled by his shoulder. "Come on." She took his hand in hers again leading him back inside. Together they walked upstairs. Without any doubt she led him into her bedroom and sat him down on the bed. "Try to get some sleep. You need it." She placed a gently kiss on his forehead before she left the room.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm sorry the update took so long. I've been struggling with the seventh chapter and it's still not good. I kinda hoped to be almost finished now so I could post the rest. I just hope I'll be able to finish chapter seven soon. Please be patient though...chapter six is finished, but I prefer to wait with updating otherwise there'll be a long time for the next update. Thanks to those who reviewed! It's truly appreciated! This time a little Alex angst with Bobby doing the comforting.**

**Part five**

It was past seven when he came downstairs again. He heard Alex in the living room. Walking in he saw her sitting on the floor, next to her nephew who was sitting on his blanket. She was holding a stuffed animal out to him. It felt good having talked to her. For the first time in his life he felt like he had someone to share the burden with. A small smile appeared on his face as he saw Michael giggling at his aunt.

Alex picked Michael up and held him above her head, moving him around like an airplane, making the appropriate sounds to accompany the flight. She settled him down in her lap again, when she saw Michael's attention was focused on something else. Turning to the direction Michael was looking at she saw Bobby.

"Hey." She smiled at him. He looked a little better, not much, but it was an improvement.

"Hi." He walked to the couch closest to her. He'd only seen Michael from a couple of pictures Alex had shown him. "Hi, Michael." Bobby reached out, tickling Michael on his tummy, making him giggle.

"Will you watch him for a moment while I get us something to drink and check on dinner."

"Sure." Bobby took Alex place on the floor. Michael had his big blue eyes focused on the tall man in front of him. The child seemed to observe him. There was something in his stare that reminded him of Alex. Grabbing a big orange tiger he made it jump around Michael. The little boy's hands reach out to grab it, but couldn't. Sometimes he lost his balance, tumbling over. "You know, Michael." Bobby picked the boy up, held him in his arms and continued his story. "your auntie Alex is a very special person. She's the best there is, besides your mommy and daddy of course." His voice turned into a whisper as if he was a sharing a secret with Michael. "You can count on her and if anyone every bothers you, she will kick their ass. And believe me, she's good at that. She's tough as nails, your auntie Alex. You've gotta be good to her, she deserves that." Michael's attention was focused on Bobby, as if he understood every word the tall detective had said.

"What are you doing? Learning him the finer ropes of being a good detective?" Alex teased as she came back from the kitchen. She sat down on the floor next to Bobby.

"No, and we're not gonna tell you, are we Michael. It's our secret. " Bobby lifted him up, holding him in the air, he 'flew' Michael into Alex' arms.

She watched Bobby for a moment. It was the first time since his arrival that she'd seen him smile. He was good with kids. There was a gentleness in him that you wouldn't expect from such a tall man who could sometimes be so clumsy. She knew it all to be a façade, a way to keep people on their toes. She knew it was also a way to avoid people from getting too close.

"He's great, Alex."

"Yeah, he is." She smiled, hugging Michael to her.

He wanted to ask her the question that was on his mind for a while now. Maybe this wasn't the right time, but he didn't know when that would be. "Is it hard to see him?" His voice was gentle.

For a second the pain was back in her eyes, but she quickly recovered. Ever since Michael was born, there would be an ache within her whenever she saw him. She learned quickly to hide it, knowing it would hurt her family. "Let's go eat, okay?" She said, changing the subject.

After dinner and putting Michael to bed they were alone again, sitting in the living room. Even though she'd closed the subject of Michael, Bobby wasn't going to let it go that easily. He wanted to know she could also count on him.

"I know it hurts you, Alex. I see it in your eyes." He started quietly. Alex's eyes darkened, warning him not to go any further. He to ignored it and continued. "You look so happy when you're with him. Your eyes get this look as if you want him to be yours. Is that true? Do you regret your decision to carry your sister's child?"

Alex ran a hand through her hair. She really didn't want to talk about this. It was hard and she'd never shared this with anyone, afraid of what they might think of her. She couldn't shut him out, not when he'd shared so much with her. "No, I don't regret being a surrogate mother for my sister. The whole experience was wonderful. Seeing the first pictures, feeling him kick for the first time… I wouldn't want to miss it." Repositioning herself on the couch, she took off her shoes and tucked her legs under her. "Giving him away was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." Her voice had grown softer.

"It was so difficult. On the one hand seeing the tears of joy in my sister's eyes when she held Michael for the first time was so wonderful and knowing that I'd been able to give him to them, filled my heart with joy. But that moment was short lived as I realized I had to give him away. That I would hardly be a part in his life. That I wouldn't be able to hold him at night or wouldn't see him take his first steps, or hear him talk for the first time. " She was quiet for a moment, picking at one of Michael's toys on the couch. "Sometimes I feel guilty because I want him to be mine. Cassie and Jake are wonderful parents. When I see my sister with him I sometimes get jealous. I get mad at myself for feeling that way. I know she doesn't deserve that, but I can't help myself. I've always wanted children when the time felt right. David died before that. After his death I never expected to marry again, didn't even think about children. During and after the pregnancy I realized that.." She choked up. This was something she hadn't shared with anyone before. She felt the tears threatening to fall, but fought them back. She didn't want Bobby to see her like that.

"What did you realize?" His voice was suddenly closer than before. Without having to look up she knew he was right in front of the couch.

"It's just…what if this was my last chance? What if I never have children again and the one that I had, I had to give away? What if I'm never going to feel a life growing inside of me again? I never expected it to be like this. I always thought…" She left her thoughts unfinished. "I'm not getting any younger. This might have been my only chance." Her voice was a mere whisper.

Bobby couldn't see her eyes, but heard the pain in her voice. She had her head in her hands and with her hair in front of her face he couldn't make out her face. He dropped to his knees. Gentle he cupped her face in both his hands, lifting it so he could see her eyes. "Oooh, Alex." He whispered as he saw the raw pain in her eyes and the tears slide down her cheeks. "Come here." He pulled her to him, enveloping her in his embrace, hoping it would at least give her some comfort.

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Finally a new chapter and chapter seven is going well. The end is near, I'm thinking seven will be the final chapter, not quite sure though. Not much happening here, we get inside their heads. And my shipper heart made me write a sweet moment. Reviews would be appreciated!**

**Part six**

They spend the evening relatively quiet, watching TV. Despite the revelations from both sides, they didn't feel uncomfortable with each other. There seemed to be a newfound closeness. They were on the couch together, Bobby's arm slung over Alex's shoulder and Alex's head on his shoulder.

Bobby was extremely aware of Alex's small body pressed against his. Not that he mind. In fact, it reassured him that she was still by his side, that he hadn't lost her. Once again he was overwhelmed by the faith she had in him. He'd been pushing her away, trying to see how far he could get before she would walk out. Why? He couldn't quite answer that himself. Maybe he was afraid of his true feelings for her, maybe he was running from his own feelings. Maybe pushing her away had been his only way out. After all the one person who he had loved, was now in her own world where he could not reach her anymore. He never wanted to feel that loss again simply because he did not know if he would recover if Alex walked out of him.

Despite his anger, his stubbornness and his refusal to let her in she'd kept her faith. She had pushed back until he could see the consequences of his behaviour and she had hit the right spot. The one thing that mattered most in his life, her presence. He softly squeezed her shoulder, feeling her presence.

Alex was lost in her own thoughts. She'd never told anyone about the pain she felt from being a surrogate mother. She couldn't share it with anyone from her family because it would upset them. She stayed strong around them no matter how much it hurt her to see Michael in his mother's arms. Today she'd shared it with not just anyone, but her partner, her best friend. There wasn't much she could hide from him. He was an excellent profiler and he could read people like no one else. She'd often imagined what their suspects felt when all of Goren's attention was focused on them.

To have those deep brown eyes looking straight through you, seeing every little secret you'd tried so hard to hide. She'd never known how they felt, until tonight, until he'd focused on her. It had been so much different than expected. She'd expected him to be straightforward, getting straight to the subject matter, provoking her to tell the truth. She should have known he would never do that to her. He'd been gently and careful. He'd known just when to push and when to give her time. In the end it hadn't taken him much effort to get her to talk. Her answers had been in her eyes and he had seen it. He could read her like no other.

She sighed, remember his intense gaze on her. She could get lost in those deep brown pools. Most of the time he was on guard, letting people see what he wanted them to see. She was sure she saw more than the rest. But today, he hadn't hidden from her. His eyes had been open, honest and vulnerable. His eyes said so much. He could convey so much with them. The gentleness in them when she'd admitted her pain, moved her. The raw pain she'd seen when he talked about his mother, had pained her. There was nothing she could do to take that pain away. She could only comfort him and hope that was enough… for now.

Despite Bobby's bulky form and awkwardness, she knew how gentle he could be. She'd seen it many times on cases. To be in his arms, to be surrounded by his entire form, brought live to feelings she thought she had buried a long time ago. He had held her with such gentleness as if she was going to break. She'd felt safe and loved. After David had died she'd never expected to find someone who could make her feel like that again. Yet here she was, with her partner, her friend… the man she had fallen in love with.

It was the first time she had admitted to herself that she loved him. On the job she only showed him she care. She knew he needed to know that, needed to see that in her eyes. Sure she'd been attracted to him, who wouldn't? With his tall frame, his dark soulful eyes, those curls and that stubble he was an attractive man. She wasn't the only woman on MCS that found him attractive. Somewhere on the way, though, she had started to fall in love with him. She couldn't pinpoint the moment, it had happened gradually, but it had happened. That's when she decided to ignore her feelings. She didn't want to lose their partnership or risk their friendship.

She knew Bobby's type and his reputation. Since she wasn't tall or dark haired, she doubted she even made a chance. She knew how he was when he put the full charm on, knew how he flirted with women. For Bobby, she knew, it always was a fling, never serious because that would mean he had to show a part of himself and that left him feeling vulnerable. Something he hated.

He saw other men looking at her. He couldn't stand it when suspects leered at her, treating her like she meant nothing. Or colleagues who would ogle her. He didn't know if she knew what they did. He did however make sure they would not do it again. Alex was to be treated with respect, she deserved nothing less. Okay, so he had to admit that he looked at her too. He would hold her eyes just a little longer than usual, or watch her as she sat at her desk. If he would allow himself he could watch her the entire day. She was so gracious and charming. He loved her witty remarks and the way she made him smile.

Who would have thought they'd fit together so perfectly? He surely hadn't when he first met her. He'd found her attractive since the first day they met, but that didn't mean anything. She hadn't said a word when she'd first saw him work a crime scene. She'd simply let him do his job and she'd done hers. The first time she'd helped him work out a theory was when he decided that she was the one. The only one who could keep up with him. From that moment on, since he knew it was good, he'd started to share more with her, letting her take the lead with interrogations and letting her run her theories. What he and Alex had as partners was solid and good.

He cherished that he could touch her like this. When they were on the job, he sometimes had the urge to reach out to her, to take her hand in his and simply enjoy the feeling. But he never did because it was unprofessional, more importantly though, he didn't know how she would feel if he did just that. Would she let him hold her hand or pull it away? Love, real love, it had always been a somewhat foreign concept to him. Sure he dated women, women who he knew weren't looking for permanent. Some times it was just a one night stand, some times they dated a few weeks, but nothing ever got serious. He made sure of that.

He knew a relationship asked for a level of vulnerability and love that he wasn't sure he could give. He frankly didn't know if he had it in him to have a relationship with anyone. Letting people in was the hardest thing for him, because letting people in meant the risk of scaring them off. He kept people at bay, it was his own way of self preservation. He couldn't handle more people walking out of his life.

Alex's presence in his life made him doubt his beliefs. She'd given him hope that there could be more in his life. Slowly she'd found a place deep within his heart, a place no other woman had held before. Only with her did it feel safe to show his vulnerability for she would not run. Showing her he did love her was another step. He didn't quite know if it was one he should take. Rejection wasn't easy to deal with, certainly not by Alex. However she made it clear she cared for him and would stand by his side. Maybe he should take the chance, maybe it would be worth it.

Yawning, Alex looked at the clock on the wall to her right. It wasn't late, but she was tired and she knew Bobby was tired too. For the both of them it had been a emotional day. They'd shared a closeness together she'd never shared with anyone else before and she wanted to take it a step further. She could easily admit to herself that she didn't want the closeness to end. She'd thought carefully about her next move. She wanted to feel Bobby next to her, to wake up in the morning and have him beside, maybe even feel his arms around her. She wasn't ready to admit to him that she'd fallen in love with him. It seemed too much too soon. She knew she had to thread carefully. She didn't want to chase him away.

This step would take their friendship to the next level. Hopefully it would also show him how she felt. Maybe, with her taking the first step, he would be willing to take the next.

Sitting up, she grabbed his hand. "Come on, we're both tired. Let's go to bed." Without looking at him, she pulled him up with her, cleverly avoiding any awkwardness from her suggestion.

Bobby didn't quite know how to react and before he knew it, he was already on his feet, following Alex out the living room. His mind caught up with them as they walked up the stairs, their hands still clasped together. Standing in front of her bedroom, Bobby pulled slightly on Alex hand, causing her to face him.

The open and unguarded look she gave him, made him pause. He hesitated. "I… I don't know if this is…"

"Bobby." Alex silenced him by placing her finger on his lips. "Don't over think this. Feel." She said, placing her hand above his heart. "I just want to feel you next to me." Taking his hand again, she guided him into her bedroom.

Alex walked to her side of the bed and grabbed her night clothes. Turning around, she saw Bobby still hesitantly standing at the foot of the bed. She gave him a soft smile and turned around. As if it was the most natural thing to do, she changed into her clothes, a black tank top with black sweat pants.

Bobby had turned around when he saw Alex changing into her night clothes. He wasn't sure what this meant. She told him not to think too much. He felt like he had to know what this meant, what it meant to her.

"Are you sure?" He whispered as he heard her getting into bed.

"Yes."

Quickly he changed into the t-shirt and sweatpants he had in his bag. Looking at Alex he saw she was already getting comfortable. Slowly he slid in her bed next to her. He stiffened when he felt her snuggle up against his side.

"Relax, Bobby." Alex said, placing a soft kiss on his shirt clad chest before laying her head back on his chest.

His body seemed to make the decision for him. His arms automatically reached for the woman at his side. "Thank you." He whispered, tightening his arms around her. He placed a gentle kiss in her hair.

"Night, Bobby."

"Goodnight, Alex." He stayed awake until she fell asleep. He cherished holding her in his arms. She felt so right there. Eventually sleep over took him and for the first time in the last couple of days he fell into a peaceful sleep.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Surprisingly I've finished this fic. After this one, only one more chapter to go. I'm probably going to add the last chapter tonight or tomorrow. This chapter reveals some more of Bobby's thoughts, what's going on in his head. Reviews are again appreciated.**

**Part seven**

The following morning found Bobby and Alex entangled together. They were on their sides facing each other, their legs entangled. Bobby still had her enveloped in his arms, his hand holder her head to his chest, the other rested on her back. Opening his eyes he slowly stroked her hair. No dreams had haunted him that night. Maybe Alex had kept them at bay, he didn't know.

Alex started to stir in his arms, indicating she was waking up. Putting her arms around his broad back, she snuggled closer.

"Good morning." Bobby slowly said.

"Mmm… morning." Alex's voice was still gravely from sleep.

"Sleep well?"

"Very." Alex slightly pulled back, needing to see his eyes. He seemed rested, his eyes brighter than yesterday. There was still something there though, but she wasn't ready to address that. She wanted to stay in this moment as long as possible. Sleeping in Bobby's arms had felt as expected; safe and loved. She also couldn't deny that she loved the feeling of his strong muscular chest beneath her hands. His chest made for a very comfortable cushion. If she allowed herself she could get used to this. However that was a far too big of a step for too soon. Take what you can get, she thought.

"Should we…"

"No." She said, pushing him onto his back. She settled her head once again on his chest, placing her hand next to it. "Let's… let's stay, okay?"

Glad she also wasn't ready to end this moment he nodded. He didn't quite know why he felt the need to share a memory with her, but he did.

"One of my best memories of my mother was when I was six. Dad had already left us and taken Billy with him. Mom… she woke me pretty early. It was my birthday. We were going to make pancakes for breakfast. I wanted to do it all by myself and she let me. I made the batter…, the kitchen was an absolute mess, but she didn't mind. She showed me how to bake them. She… she even flipped them around. Trying to impress her I tried to flip my pancake too. It landed on the floor. It took me several tries, but in the end I could flip them. We only had like five or six left. The others were or on the kitchen floor or burned. She showed me that even without my father and brother we could have fun. She gave me a bike that birthday. I know it cost her a lot. She…" His voice faltered. ".. she put my needs before hers. It was the last happy birthday I had. After that she could become vicious or angry, blaming me for my father leaving us. Other times she simply forgot my birthday. I… I know it wasn't her fault, but it still hurt." His voice had turned into a mere whisper. His hold on Alex had tightened, needing to feel her to prevent going to deep into the memories.

She didn't know how to react. She was thrilled that he trusted her enough to share this with her. He was willing to show a part of himself to her. That was a big step. She wondered if sharing one of her own memories was a good idea. Probably not, since it would only emphasize the differences in their families.

"Tell me about you. What's your best memory?"

"I was five or six. I'd helped dad fixing up a car. It was my first one and not that I had actually done anything. I still felt we'd worked together on that car. On a Saturday morning dad decided to take it out on a test drive. I don't remember what kind of car it exactly was, but I do remember it was a convertible. I couldn't sit in the front with him, but that didn't matter. It was a beautiful day and there we were cruising down Manhattan. We even stopped for donuts on the way. It was a great." While sharing her memory, Alex had left her comfortable spot on his chest. In stead she was on her side, her elbow propped up on the cushion with her head on her hand.

He was glad she had a good childhood. She deserved nothing less. At that moment he couldn't help but want her. She looked so beautiful with her sleepy eyes and her messy hair. She meant so much to him. Reaching out he gently cupped her cheek. With his thumb he gently stroked her soft skin. He wanted to tell her, wanted to say how much she meant to him, but something held him back.

However, Alex who was enjoying his touch, saw it all in his eyes. "I know." She said taking the hand touching her face in her hand, giving the palm a soft kiss.

Bobby's other hand found it's way in Alex's hair. Entangling his fingers in her blond locks, he slowly pulled her close until his lips slowly touched hers. It was a gentle, cautious kiss. Nothing more than a brush of lips, tasting, feeling… and enjoying. It was Bobby who pulled back. Not relinquishing the hand he had in her hair, he brought her closer until their foreheads touched.

She felt privileged that he was showing so much of himself. She would never betray the trust he had in her. They had taken in important step together. She just hoped it wouldn't end up like one step forward, two steps back. Placing a kiss on his forehead, she slowly got out of bed even though she was reluctant to leave it. "Let's get some breakfast."

After a nice breakfast with Alex's parents, Alex took Bobby with her on a walk to the small forest she'd also taken her nephew to yesterday. She thought it would be a nice surrounding for them to talk. Taking his hand in hers she started. "I don't ever want us to be on opposite ends again. What was it about him that made you sympathise?"

Hesitantly he began. "I… I didn't justify his actions. His crimes were horrible. What he did to those women was horrible. The reasons behind it… that's what hit home."

"You're not him." Her voice was gentle.

"Aren't I?" Agitated her started pacing. "I'm alone, aren't I? I come home to an empty apartment every night. There's no one who cares."

"You know I care." She interrupted him.

"Yeah, well.." No in the way that I want, his mind pointed out. He ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe that's not enough anymore."

"Then what do you want?"

**TBC...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: The final chapter. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Hope this wraps it up nicely.**

**Part eight**

He knew the answer to that one. Knew what his heart and mind told him. Walking away he said. "I just… I want more." After a short silence he went on. "Loneliness…, it can eat away at you. It feels like the dark of the night surrounding me. I can't shake it off. Sometimes I ask myself if needing someone is too much to ask. Is it my fate to live my life alone? Do I have nothing to give?"

"Bo.."

Holding his hand up to her he interrupted. "Don't! Just don't say anything. You don't ever get used to the loneliness. It leaves it marks. Marks I don't know can be erased." He turned around, looking at her. "What if that's my future?" Abruptly he turned around again. Afraid he'd said too much.

A gentle hand touched his shoulder. Alex didn't know what to say or do. She heard the pain in his voice, felt his tense muscles under her hand. Again Bobby moved away from her.

"You're not the only one, you know. Everybody gets lonely." She didn't want this to be a one way conversation. Did he really think he was alone in this, that he was the only one who suffered from the feeling of loneliness? There were times, particularly after a gruelling case that she wanted to come home to somebody. That there was somebody to hold her, make her forget how awful the world could be. Didn't mean she dwelled on it. She knew, if she immersed to much into her feelings at such a moment, she could get into a downward spiral. Thinking that no one would want to be with her, no one who cared, no one who loved her. Now it appeared that Bobby had entered that vicious circle and he couldn't step out of it. That was probably up to her. Yet she could feel how strong he felt about all this. He'd convinced himself he was truly alone. It would be difficult to get him out of that downward spiral.

"Don't you think that I want to come home to someone too? After a gruelling case I want someone to help me forget, someone to take me in his arms and just comfort me. You're not alone, Bobby. I feel it too, it hurts me too. Sometimes there's a burning ache in my heart because it longs to be loved. There are times at night that I wonder what it is about me, why no one out there cares for me!."

"Al.."

"No! You got your say, Bobby. Let me say my piece." She'd tried to stay calm, but she couldn't do it anymore. Taking a deep breath, she managed to regain her composure. "Now I know it hurts you even more because you've felt alone most of your life. But you've gotta take a chance once in a while. You have a lot of people who care, but you gotta be willing to take that step too. You gotta risk feeling vulnerable again. Let someone in, someone who will share the burden with you, who will take away the loneliness bit by bit. Take a chance and give someone a chance. It takes two, Bobby. For once look up and see what's in front of you."

Turning around he did look up and what he found was the one person who'd stood by him the entire time. She was not just his partner, she was his best friend and the woman he loved. Taking a step closer to her, he gently traced her jaw with his finger. "I see you." He whispered, his hand falling back beside his body. "I don't know if… if this is right." Though neither had actually said out loud what 'this' exactly was, they both knew what it meant to them.

His remark hurt her. Why didn't it feel right to him when she knew how he felt about her. Sure he hadn't actually told her, but she knew him and knew how he felt. Deciding to put aside her own feelings for a moment, she focused on Bobby. "Why is this not right?" Even though she did her best to hide the hurt, she knew he could hear it in her voice.

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her and he had done just that by implying it wasn't right. "Because I don't want to hurt you and I know I will." Frustrated that the words weren't coming out the way he wanted, he ran a hand through his hair. "God, don't you see, Alex? You're the one good thing in my life. I don't want to lose you. And I know I will."

"What makes you so sure?" Alex asked, stepping up to him and gently placing her hand on his chest.

"Because everyone I ever loved has left me."

There was so much pain in that one statement. She clearly heard it. "Then let me prove that I'm not going anywhere. Take this chance." She decided she needed to be the first to actually say it. "I love you, Bobby." His eyes were focused on hers. She smiled gently at him. "Don't doubt my feelings for you. They're real. Let me in, Bobby." She held her hand up, it was up to him to take it.

He couldn't believe it. After everything he'd said and told her, she was still here. And she loved him. Slowly his hand took hers, entwining their fingers. "Thank you, Alex." His eyes were watery, but he did not shed a tear. "I love you too." He said, pulling her closer. "I don't ever wanna lose you." He whispered into her hair.

"You won't, I promise." Putting her hand on the back of his neck, she pulled him closer. "Come here." She said before their lips met. This time it wasn't just a brush of lips. It was so much more, their tongues duelled, they explored each other, tasted each other. Only when the need for air became too much they ended the kiss.

"Let's go back and spend some time with Michael." Taking his hand in hers again they walked back.

Halfway Bobby pulled on her hand, turning her towards him. "It… it's not going to be easy." He needed to know she wouldn't change her mind.

"I know, but we'll be all right. When has anything ever been easy to us? Have a little faith, Bobby. I'm here to stay." After giving him a gentle kiss they continued their way back. "It's not often that we get to enjoy a day together without work. Let's enjoy it."

He watched her as she walked a few paces in front of him. He was amazed by her. She was the one ray of light in his life and she was his.

**The End**


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